I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
