I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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