And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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