Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
