ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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