Someone shit on the floor
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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