We won't sleep together?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
