end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
