home. puking in laundry basket.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
