sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize