So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
