i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
