So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
