There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
