"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
