But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
