I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
