so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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