This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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