your room smells of hookers.
And success
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
