Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
