I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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