You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
