New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
