I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Randomize
