you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
