loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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