That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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