the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
