I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
