i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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