When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
