dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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