Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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