a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
