Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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