Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
