I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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