All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
