So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
