Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize