Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
