It's just like the Real World with babies
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
