Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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