you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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