we made out on top of his cat.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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