My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
where are my eyebrows?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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