You can't motorboat a personality
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
