im six kinds of drunk right now
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
