she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
