Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
