I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Drake has all the answers
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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