I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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