fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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