So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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