He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So squirting runs in the family.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize