They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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