Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
