Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
