I think I won the penis lottery.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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