Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
