If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
