Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
