if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
