if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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