I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize