I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I need water and some morals
Randomize
