can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
