how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
