How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
