He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
