If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
