The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she told me i tasted like america
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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