Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
