I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
