Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
