Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He passed out mid-signature
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i drank out of a bidet.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
