I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
