just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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