dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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