You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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