Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
