Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
