either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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