I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
