somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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